Ethical Decision Making?

Parenting is a continuum of decision-making.  Soon after conception I began the long path of caring for my children.  In their early years I was their hero and role model, a role suggested by Aristotle, and my actions became the foundation of my kids’ moral compass and ethical decision-making. Over time the validity of my decisions has become suspect. One at a time, the kids finished elementary school and entered adolescence. With this developmental transition my authority diminished and external influences increased. However, it was just as my influence diminished that my children were faced with their first ethical challenges.

I understand Bok, Aristotle, Meyers, Benthem, Kant, and their varied philosophies. I can see the value of defining ethics, using evidence for decision making, and looking at the individual and common good. But at the end of the day, the idea of me modeling ethical behavior totally frightens me. 

Hundreds, even thousands of times I have made choices related to my life and the lives of my children.  I have weighed the pros and cons (good vs. right), looked at all the facts, thought about the individual and greater consequences, and yet, at times, I still I hear myself tell my child that he or she can or cannot do something “because I said so.”

So, what are the principles guiding my decisions?  How do I convey them and instill them in my children?  How do I make the basis of my behavior visible?  How do I hold my ground when the kids see and hear things in the media, have friends with parents who act based on different rationales, and the dilemmas change as the children age? As I worry about my responsibilities I remind myself that ethical behavior develops over time and as a result of the guidance demonstrated through action. 

Mass media and social media are important influences in my children’s lives.  Rather than battle these influences, I take action.  I use them as situational teaching tools.  I am close by when my daughter watches “Jersey Shore” and other reality shows.  I pose questions about the actions and decisions presented during the program.  I listen to my daughter and then offer my perspective.  Our discussions encourage both of us to reflect honestly on the broader implications and impact of individual behavior.  I am hopeful that these dialogues will stay with her when she is confronted by ethical dilemmas in her daily life.  Cheat?  Spread rumors?  Forward photos meant to be private?  These three scenarios all came up in just one day.  I’m sure that there are others of which I am unaware.

My kids’ lives are constantly changing and so are ours.  Social media, the evolution of technology, the changes in methods of communication, and the choices we make are all connected.  Individuals, organizations, companies, governments, and institutions all need a compass to guide them in ethical decision-making.  How can this be achieved and is it a static goal or one that must constantly evolve? 

For now I think that I will stick to trying to achieve the “ethical decision-making” goal on the personal level.  I think that it is less important to know which philosopher I want to emulate than it is to have developed a compass by which to steer my decision-making.  As a mother I am my children’s ethical and moral North Star and I am doing my best to lead by example.  I hope that by the time I’ve launched the kids I will have achieved my goal and each of them will have their own internal North Star by which to navigate as they travel their life’s journey.